Because since 2 a.m., the girls have had 3 fevers, 2 nose bleeds, and 47 bouts of sobbing over mouth pain due to the 137 or so sores in their mouths and throats (a rough estimate). Furthermore, one of them wants to chug the entire contents of the Tylenol bottle while the one with the actual fevers has refused to take any medicine since 10 a.m. Both are troubling. Since the poor monkeys were so miserable, Mama let them watch YouTube videos all day, which she now wonders is a torture tactic utilized by the U.S. government. If it is, it should be banned along with waterboarding. Oh, and it’s the last official day of summer vacation. Cheers!
Because Daddy’s drink wine, too. There’s been some talk about sexism on here recently, and it occurred to us that dads need to be represented more frequently on this page. Good dads put their fair share of work into child rearing, which means they’re enjoying some of the good stuff along with us. And by good stuff, I mean booze.
Our inaugural featured daddy is home only twice a week for dinner. On this night, he and his wife planned to have a really nice steak dinner… their girls had other plans. They both abandoned their dinners, climbed on top of Daddy and polished off everything on his plate. Thankfully, there was one thing they couldn’t get a hold of – Daddy’s wine.
Because bedtime is going to be super easy after each of her children has had a liter of Shirley Temple. Mama’s also trying to figure out what she ever did to the kind bartender at a neighborhood restaurant who is clearly trying to exact revenge on her.
Because sleep training. Just to throw some more fun into the mix, my 4 month old daughter just mastered rolling and it seems that is a much more enjoyable activity than sleeping at night.
Because this untangling job looks like it might require the whole bottle…and a pair of scissors.
Because this second (yes, second) helping of pretzels is NOT enough and the video someone’s sister tried to show her in hopes of cheering her up is NOT funny!
Because the first official days of summer break have brought a legion of arguments over bubbles, bracelets, and, of course, whose turn it is for the iPad. No argument caused quite as much outrage and violence from the children as the one over Mama’s suggestion to “share” the lone bag of goldfish that was acquired at a recent birthday party. Slugging it out for sharing? This is going to be a fun summer. Cheers!
PS: Goldfish acquired through confiscation are more delicious. Especially when paired with some sauvy b.
For all of those times she really, really needed a glass of wine, but couldn’t. I think we’ve all been the mom below, so grab your glass and pour some out for the mamas who can’t have one. And by pour it out, I clearly mean, pour it into your mouth. What kind of savage wastes wine?
This is called “Why Mama Can’t Drink Wine” because she is working from home with a double ear infection afflicted 15 month old!
Because dinner is looking bleak. And so are her text conversations.
Because she is VERY easily skeezed out by body parts that are no longer attached to a body. I would commit a felony for Jane Krakowski’s hair, but if you ever handed me a loose strand of it, you would see a grown woman weep and wretch before you. That’s hair. When my daughter handed me a piece of her actual skin (from a calloused blister), wine was the only answer. The. Only. Answer.